The Difference in Attracting Vs. Maintaining a Relationship
Look, I see people get confused with this all the time.
Attracting a relationship is the thrill, the chase, the newness, the desire to seek compatibility, and the freshness of something exciting.
Then around the three, six-, or twelve-months mark, it fades; it seems not so fun.
And it appears ironic, like what happened to this fun, exciting new person?
Well, a biological, chemical reaction to this newness and excitement wears off as our minds and hormones balance back out. Because instead of an exciting new habit, there is upkeep on an existing habit. It’s like driving a new luxury car for the first time, then realizing all the expenses that go with the upkeep of that luxury car isn’t as exciting for fewer dealerships, etc.
The analogy of a luxury car is the key to why most relationships fail is the maintenance. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce because there is a lack of education out there talking about how to keep an existing relationship NEW, FRESH, and ENERGIZED, so even as months, years, or decades past, there is still an aliveness that excites chemical reactions within our mind and body.
So, what can we begin to do so become great at both attracting and maintaining relationships?
The hottest thing about the attraction phase is the newness of always getting to know someone through dating. So, whether it's a new relationship or an existing always BE DATING. Learn how to make that happen, spice, it up, and make it a priority that whoever you are dating, the energy feels new, sexy, fun, and not on a same old boring habit. That isn’t even fun to do the same workout routine over 5 years so why would you do that in your most important and sacred relationship?
Second, for maintenance, TIME APART IS REQUIRED. In relationships, we think it's a bad thing if someone is distant or needs space. It's REQUIRED for maintaining a relationship; there is time apart, so the heart can miss you, the mind can imagine fantasies and desires with you not being around. Also, space for each of you to enjoy life without constantly being concerned about the other person. I think allowing the other person to have a woman's or man’s night out once a month or to go on a one-time date if that is what they enjoy is nice. It allows the relationship to have spice, for someone to appreciate you more, so when they go out, they know they come back to you with exciting new feelings, but you get to execute on them. It's like doing half the work, not needing to attract or offer constant newness, but you reap the benefits from someone adding that into your partner.
Three, when you are in the attract state, there isn't drama or conflict, so it appears like everything is PURE BLISS & PLEASURE. When real life, longevity in a relationship, the key is held in conflict resolution so that you return to BLISS & PLEASURE sooner. This confuses people because we think once we are in a relationship, it should always be the same, which it won't be. Life is filled with ups and downs, differences in habits, and various ideas on how to do specific daily tasks, and you must be willing to move through differences, conflict, hurt feelings, and various emotional states in a beautiful way instead of a harmful way. Otherwise, you will always be starting over to the attraction of something and someone new. You’ll always be chasing the high of a new person, a chemical reaction in your body, equal to the intake of a new drug time and time again. So, learning this art and balance is vital, so you have a lasting and fulfilling relationship. Because true beauty in life is the longevity and memories created within our relationships, not starting over again and again and again.
There is so much confusion around dating, relationships, love, marriage ending for so many, new ways of connecting becoming more available of monomoy and open relationships. I wanted to find a way to help and support. Because I believe in love deeply, I believe love is what we can always return to. I believe in the power of relationships, whether in your career, random strangers, friendships, or romantic relationships; this is what makes your life. I believe that the power in your relationships in all areas of your life can only be as powerful as your interpersonal relationships because that is where your heart and focus go most of the time.
That is why I am running a workshop, “How to Date & Grow in Intimacy”
This is going to be Saturday, October 1, starting at 10 am PST and probably until 1 pm PST [with breaks included]
Where I'm going to talk about the following
🧚🏼The differences between online dating vs. in person - how to make your dating profile a hit as well as your in-person identity
🧚🏼How to attract quality men and woman
🧚🏼How to maintain relationships with quality men and woman
🧚🏼How to handle conflict to bring you closer together instead of apart
🧚🏼How to create relationship agreements that clearly state the desires and needs of both people
🧚🏼How to handle communication around money
🧚🏼How to do communication around kids
🧚🏼How to have high vibrational conversations around long-term commitments
🧚🏼How to keep the relationship fun
🧚🏼How to navigate s3x and intimacy
Then we will take a short break, go through the application of the techniques I shared, and have you try it on one another for practice!
Then we will have another call Wednesday, October 12 at 6 pm PST where we will have a live coaching question and answer with how your application of the new dating techniques is working and offering improvements!
Both sessions are recorded, so you have access to live!
It’s $555.
The VIP option is you get 24/7 access to me via email or Voxer to have me as your relationship consultant for 30 days, where I'll be supporting your every move and, therefore, feedback! This is $4,444!
Click here for payment.
This is for someone who has been single for too long and wants to find love. Someone who's newly single and is serious about dating! Or someone who's struggling in their relationship to feel the love!
I'm so excited to serve in this way!
Send the $555 or $4,444 here, and we'll get you the details Friday for the zoom!
Click here to send payment
I love you,
Colleen